The Importance of Empathy
My experiences as a resident of an extremely diverse city, as a diversity trainer, as a member of a diverse family, and, as an intercultural skills-building trainer have all highlighted the critical importance of "perspective" in overcoming differences. In fact, I propose that most intercultural and interracial conflicts stem from a single profound source: our inability to relate to one another, to show empathy, to understand why and how another individual's perspective may differ from our own.I'm sure you've experienced this in your own life, in a situation where perhaps, race or ethnicity wasn't an issue. Maybe after a long debate with a spouse, child, in-law or long-time friend, you came to realize that the gap between your viewpoints wasn't really all that wide to begin with. Maybe there was some key piece of information you or your friend lacked, one piece of information that played a significant role in shaping your perspective, in enabling you to show empathy, and which once shared, suddenly made everything make a whole lot more sense. Sound familiar?
Although race and ethnicity tend to introduce a whole new level of complexity in our efforts to understand one another, disagreements and varying viewpoints often tend to stem from the same challenge: our perspectives and the feelings, experiences and knowledge that shape them, may, at times, simply be very different and therefore, serve as obstacles to empathy.
"I get that," you might be thinking. "This is not earth-shattering news."
And you would be right. It's not. But try this: Pick any social or political issue you feel strongly about, preferably one that divides Americans. Now, ask yourself this: When you reflect on your position on this issue, can you honestly say that you've really done the work to "get into the mind" of the other side? To truly employ empathy? Can you see and understand the issue the way they see it? Would you be able to step into their shoes and argue their position because your understanding of the knowledge, values, and feelings underlying their position is so clear to you? Most often, if we are honest, we have to admit that we could not.
It seems to me there are two fundamental questions that usually follow awareness of this basic point.
The first is "Why bother to show empathy?"
In answer to this first question, here are just a few possible answers:
- Because we ourselves grow and become smarter when we are able to show empathy, to take in new information and adapt our ideas and opinions.
- Because most people dislike conflict, and failing to empathize, to care why and how the "other side" sees things differently, is bound to result in, perpetuate, or perhaps even escalate conflict.
- Because an empathetic society that can unite around important issues is a strong society.